Fun party trick: put Skittles and M&M’s in the same bowl, wait for someone to grab a handful.
you can go fuck yourself
my mum did this and didnt tell anyone so when my sister put a bunch in her mouth she spat them out and started crying and now she has trust issues
Pardon me while I burst into flames
if you think i’m ugly now you should have seen me in 2009
[ANGRILY THINKS UR CUTE]
My dog looks like a fuzzy penis. That is all, bye.
i sat here laughing for like ten minutes
I almost had a heart attack last night while my husband and I were lying in bed reading and his entire body starts shaking. I’m all ARE YOU OK ARE YOU HAVING A SEIZURE ARE YOU CRYING WHATS HAPPENING
and then i realize he’s just laughing hysterically- so hard that he CANT MAKE NOISE
And I go: Are you thinking about that damn penis dog again?
him: *silent nodding while he claps like a retarded seal*
*looks in the mirror*
what the fuck is that
“Reading on e-readers isn’t actually reading.”
“You’re just now reading that? I read that forever ago. You’re so behind!”
“Oh that book is going to be the next *insert popular book title*.”
“Well I’m a bigger fan because I’ve liked it longer.”
I just need this omg
i need a job where i work one hour a week and i get paid a thousand dollars a minute